Currently Playing Dingleberry Haze EP By The Bloodhound Gang see related

It's Either the Booze or Stupidity

It's been some time since I've written something new.  In fact, it's been so long I hardly expect anyone to actually read it, let alone post a comment.  (The lack of comments on the last entry made me realize that I could slack off, and no one would be the wiser.) But, on the off-chance that someone surfing along, or clicking on the many links to this page I have planted elsewhere on the Web, should happen to read this and wonder what I've been up to these last three months or so, I decided to write again.  So, thank you, to you random Web surfer.

For those of you that have been stuck in your houses recently: It's Spring!  And for those of us on the quarter system, that means Spring Quarter.  Spring Quarter means sunshine, and sunshine means beautiful days.  When you live a stone's throw away from the beach in Spring, you're there all the time, or you want to be.  This is not good.  When the beach and good weather is mixed with more hours at work, and the heaviest reading load yet, this equation equals a low GPA.

That is not all that Spring means for UCSB students however.  The transformation that overcomes the students of UCSB and other Isla Vista residents is difficult to describe if you have not seen it.  For example: What is the proper response to flying barbeques and mooning?

Allow me to elaborate.  Since the quarter began, I have only walked down the western-most streets of I.V. (those closest to the ocean) by myself a couple of times.  The first time, a group of guys in their back yard began throwing water balloons at me.  Normally, I would have been upset, but seeing as none of them came anywhere near their target, I was more amused than anything.  A few moments later, one guy begins saranading me with "A Whole New World" (the duet from "Aladdin" - for those of you who don't know your Disney movies).  The second time, I walked past a group of guys that decided the best way to move the barbeque grill from one side of the fence to the other was to hurl it over. (At least that was my interpretation of the event, it could simply be that they wanted to see if they could do it, or they just didn't like it anymore - I don't know.)  Once the barbeque made it to its destination, one of the guys jumped up on the fence and mooned me.

What is the proper response to flying barbeques and mooning?

Evidently, laughing was not the proper response, as it illicted foul language from the perpetrator's friend.

I wonder if the guy would have mooned me if he knew he would have to register as a sex offender if he was caught...

P.S. Two eprops to anyone who knows what a dingleberry is.

Currently Reading Little Bk of New Years Resolution (Puffin Jokes, Games, Puzzles) By Rayner see related

New Year's Resolutions

I know, I know...I'm supposed to make my resolutions before the start of the new year, and here it is January third and I have yet to decide.  There is a perfectly good reason for my delay, and, no, it is not my tendancy toward procrastination.  I simply take New Year's resolutions very seriously.  So seriously that I don't see the need to rush the critical year-long, life-altering decision by setting this deadline of "New Year's Day."

When I started thinking about what I would resolve to accomplish in 2005, I thought about all of the past resolutions for myself and my friends that have fallen to the wayside.  An anonomous friend's, "I'm going to stop watching porn" was ruined in less than two weeks.  Of course, the fact that some friends had a bet on when this one would fail and planted porn thoughout his room probably didn't help.

I contemplated the standards: workout, eat right, go to class, stop drinking, etc., but none of them seemed to be quite right.  I was determined to make a resolution that I could stick to.

A close runner up, was, of course, as Brent (www.xanga.com/rosemontbrent) so elequently discussed, was curing my addiction to facebook.  But let's be realistic, I would simply substitute another mindnumbing adiction...now where else could I read information about people I hardly know and peer into their innermost thoughts...

And what was the result of all this deep contemplation?  I  I resolved to drink just as much, go to class (or not go to class) just as often, eat the same, workout the same, and, in a nutshel, to make no resolution.  I figure, why mess with a good thing. 

Still, while it is not a resolution, I am determined to get that time machine finished.

Currently Watching A Christmas Story (Two-Disc Special Edition) By Peter Billingsley see related

Spreading Holiday Cheer...So What if it's a Little Early, I'm Broke!

As my first quarter at UCSB comes to an end, there's only one thing on my mind: Christmas.

Now most people in my situation would be thinking about the three eight-page minimum papers that are due within the next two weeks.  Maybe they'd even be thinking about the finals that are rapidly approaching.  Hell, I could even understand if they were anxiously awaiting the 16-hour marathon sleeping session on the first day after finals.  But me...I want Christmas to come.

It's not the merry spirit of the time of year that a long for. (Believe me, with my sister, my brother and I all home and out of school for the holiday, our house is anything but merry.)  It's not the large, sumptuous amounts of food that I can't wait to taste.  (I love food, and I certainly need a break from dorm food, but I don't want to help prepare it.)  It's not the warm embrace of my family that I need to comfort me.  (Maybe for a couple days, but after three weeks it's not comforting anymore.)  The reason I'm looking forward to Christmas is quite simple.  I need money.

This is why I propose slight modifications to the other holidays that occur during the fall quarter.  Halloween for instance.  Now, everyone spends a small fortune on the bags of bite-size chocolate candies they give to trick-or-treaters.  Why not take the money you would have spent on the bags of candy and place the equivalent in change (or small bills, if you're so inclined) into a bowl and give that out.  While we're at it, costumes really aren't necessary.  The money spent on those could go in the bowl too.  Everyone could simply get ready for bed, but go out trick-or-treating for the money instead.  (Let's face it, a bunch of teenagers and college students in they're pajamas knocking on doors is scarier than one's in costumes any day.)

Some people may say I'm being ridiculous for even suggesting the idea.  To those of you I simply say: You've obviously never been truly broke before.

Currently Playing Barry White - All-Time Greatest Hits By Barry White see related

Get Your FREE CONDOMS Right Here

So...my roommate is a sex peer.  Just what is a sex peer you ask.  Well, I'm so glad you asked.  Allow me to enlighten you.  A sex peer is an individual who attends five hours of training in various sex-related issues that college students are likely to need advice about.  This STI, safe-sex, sexual assault extravaganza culminates in what is perhaps every college student's dream...an endless supply of free condoms!

This means I now have banners on my door shaped liked condoms announcing, "Just wear it."  But more importantly, I have an envelope on my door, filled with free condoms declaring, "Be Safe."

The best part (aside from the free condoms, because, come on, there's free condoms), is that there are, at last count, 4 sex peers in my house.  In a dorm of about 40 people there are 4 who are endowed with the greatest gift any sexually active college student could ask for.  Now, for those of you who aren't math majors, that means there is 1 sex peer for every 10 people.

Whoever my roommate's 10 people are, they are having an awful lot of sex.  The first night the free condoms were made available to the public (about one in the morning on Tuesday) they dissappeared within 2 hours.  The following day the condom supply had to be replenished twice.

Don't misunderstand, I'm all about the free condoms and the (safe) lovin', but I would like to go to sleep one night, not painfully aware of the sex that others are having.  Besides, I'm really tired of having to put everything back on my bookshelves in the morning.

Currently Playing Licensed to Ill By Beastie Boys see related

- 7: Fight For Your Right

Yes, That's Right...I am under 21

Dorm life doesn't suck.  In fact, I don't really mind it all that much.  There is that unfortunate 'must be quiet if my roommate wants to sleep' factor, and, of course, the 'must eat between the hours of 2 and 2:30' problem, but other than that...

It seems the biggest problem I have living in the dorms is the simple issue of my age.  As I have said many, many, many times lately: I am 20.

The first night I was here, my roommate comes in and tells me, "You're not 21?!  I got one of those letters: 'You cannot keep alcohol in your room.  There will be no drinking allowed in your room while your roommate is present."

Great, I thought.  I don't even know this person, and already I'm causing problems...and I didn't even have to do anything.  But this was only the begining...

I went into this year thinking that I could party when I wanted, and not party when I wanted.  I have come to learn that this isn't the case.  Living in a dorm where the majority of the people are 21, many weekends consist of clubbing and bar-hopping.  Each time the party prepares to leave on its fun-filled excursion I receive a look of pity from the crowd, "Oh!  I'm sorry.   I forgot you're not 21.  I feel bad."  Or some other exclamation to that effect.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I appreciate the consideration, and I certainly don't expect others not go out simply because, I, the lowly 20-year-old, am unable to participate in the fun.  I simply find it amusing that other's must appologize for something that I can't help anymore than they can.  They were born a year before me; I was born a year after them.

I suppose the only solution to this dilema would be to go back in time and somehow get my parents to have sex sooner.  I'll have to work on that time machine...